Confessions of a Beta Male (self reflection)

I was listening to a video last night about being laid back is indeed a beta male trait.   It was an epiphany of sorts to me.  I’m a laid back, live and let live type of person.   Most stuff doesn’t really to matter to me.  I tend to let the cards fall they may and make due with the consequences.   I don’t stand for disrespect, but I do try to seek understanding before I’m understood.    I give up quite easily when I see situations escalating as I have the belief that out of control emotions usually end up with nothing being accomplished.  I try to keep the cool head and it takes a lot to anger me.   This works in my field of IT support.

I don’t fear confrontation, I just tend to avoid it.   There are times where I stand up for myself, but it really has to be at a shit hit the fan situation or a matter of blatant disrespect.   In short, I’d describe myself as a peace maker.   This works well in the sense that most people I encounter on a daily basis like me.   It’s not really my goal, it’s just that I’m so cool and laid back.    I’ve heard that I’m one of the most laid back person people know.   I’m friendly, I’m not socially awkward.   I’m also introverted preferring to be alone with my own thoughts, but I do have some pretty deep and interesting conversations with people.

People don’t tend to really bother or bully me.  I just kind of blend in with the background.   I don’t mind helping out when I can and when people ask for a request, I usually tell them yes.  I won’t do it if I have something more pressing.   I tend to do better on a 1 to 1 basis or with other laid back individuals.   Type A or Alpha types don’t bother me unless around a rowdy bunch.   They drain me.   I have the capacity to lead as my reputation is one of being intellectual, fair, and honest.   I’m a team player understand the importance of teamwork.  I also like to see the  ‘opposition’s’ point of view so that I can clarity on a position.   To me, verbal conflicts aren’t about winning, it’s about understanding.  It helps me understand my strengths and weaknesses as well as theirs.

On the other hand, I’m not a follower and usually think outside the box.  I have the tendency to be a contrarian and will often play devil’s advocate (in an obvious way) in order to expose the flaws or emotions in one’s beliefs.   But again, that’s really about understanding.  I like to dig deep on subjects in order to get both sides.   At the same time, I’m usually not passionate either way about most things.   I don’t know if I’m right, and often, I’ll sit back and really consider what they are saying before I rebut them.

Even in love, I don’t really chase or pursue females.  I figure if they like me….cool.  If not begone.   I still have the notion that we just enjoy our time together and once it ends, no hard feelings.    (so long as you don’t disrespect me).    I am a hopeless romantic during that time though (not too much as I’ve learned to hold back and not do too much).

I’m deep.  I am creative.  I’m a feeler.  I have a deep appreciation of the arts.  My fashion sense is pretty good.     I’m great at passionate love making as I can somehow ‘feel’ the right thing to do.  The right amount of pressure, kissing, licking, stroking….etc.   I’m pretty proficient at martial arts as I can somehow feel what is being demonstrated in my body and how to apply it practically.   I’m a great cook as I just somehow have a feel for it so to speak.   I intuit many ideas on philosophy, magic, psychology, etc.   I’m also a pretty good teacher.

I’m a pretty decent looking, intelligent, fit, empathic guy.   I’m very independent and somewhat a stoic.  I don’t like asking for help unless I necessarily need it.  While I can be a bit lazy, I do believe in self reliance and taking accountability for your mistakes.   I’m also a great apologizer and don’t mind admitting when I am wrong / did someone wrong.

Those strengths are also weaknesses when it comes to maintaining attraction with a woman.   On one hand, I don’t think that many come across a guy like me.   I think that once they get to know me, I’m sort of in a category of maybe….and I probably could have more women if I actually went out of my way to pursue.    That said.

Many of those traits are that of a ‘nice guy’.     The only difference is that I don’t feel that I deserve a specific woman because of that.    I don’t feel as if she should be attracted to me because of those things.    It’s just who I am….take it or leave it.   The best way to attract me is to show me love.   Looks are somewhat important (she can’t be ugly or too fat), but I’m not asking for a 9 or 10 or anything.  Personality, chemistry, and connection are way more important to me.

TBH, the amount I’m attracted highly depends on how much I feel she likes me….not for what I have or what I can do for her, but on if she really likes me or not.   I don’t really have a specific type, but there are certain women that I do find physically attractive.    I guess I’m a sucker for love.   I have no problem with monogamy as I prefer long term relationships to be built on trust and honesty.  I’m simple.   Materialism and gaudiness are turnoffs to me.

This makes me a bit boring.  Women love a take charge kind of guy.   It seems that they prefer a brutish, life of the party, wanting to be center of attention, alpha type.  While I do possess some charisma and charm, my laid back demeanor and introversion can make it seem that I lack confidence.    I’m a mixed bag.   Not socially lame, but also not quite DA MAN.   Better looking than average (I hear it enough to believe it), but not quite a sex symbol.    Stylish, but not dripping.

The thing that I have to do is be more aggressive.   I have to stop considering their feelings….at least not be so co dependent on their feedback.    But even before I get to that I have to actually KNOW WHAT I WANT.    I have to actually start giving a fuck about getting it regardless of how they feel initially.  I can’t be afraid to convince them or change their minds if I want them.

I can’t be so laid back and I have to start making life happen as opposed to letting it happen.   Alpha men tend to do this I think.  For better or for worse, right or wrong, they know what they want and do what it takes to make it happen.    I have the fundamentals, but I have to make things happen.

I’m not sure why I am so hands off when it comes my life.    I really often times don’t give a fuck.   Let’s just do whatever is my motto.  If someone feels strongly about something….and if it doesn’t bother me, let’s just do that.

I understand why women find this unattractive as they look for a leader/daddy type figure who will lead them somewhere.   Even if the destination seems impossible/improbable.   It’s why they LOVE ambition.    They want direction and if I can’t provide that, then in a sense, I’m probably worthless outside of hot sex and some emotional support.    I have to start giving more fucks.    Apparently it is possible to not give enough fucks.   AS with most things in life, there must be balance.    Some people give too many.   Me, I give too few.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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