Our mindsets are so different.   They way that she processes the world is completely foreign to me.   While I cannot say for sure that my view is  any more valid than hers, I really don’t think that I can deal with her in the same way as before.

It’s like she lives in a delusional world where objective facts aren’t as relevant as her feelings.   The term “my truth” gets thrown about a lot, and I can see how the liberal left attract so many women.   In my mind, none of us can really get to objective truth as we’re all subject to our personal subjective biases and opinions.   In other words, objective truth is observable, but yet tainted by our personal subjective interpretations of it.

This is why principles are important.   That way, we can can somewhat circumvent selfish congnitive biases, or at least, agree upon certain rules of engagement when engaging with others in society.   It’s why morals and ethics are important when building societies.   I suppose some people really need  codified religion and a fear of the ‘Gods’  to inform them of how to treat others as they don’t understand the principles behind the laws.

For example, while I might not be offended by a specific thing, based on the principles as to why you are, then I might be able to understand why you are and act accordingly.

Thought experiments usually fail on most females I know because they are metaphorical examples that demonstrate the principles behind why certain behaviors are harmful to society as whole.   I was making the argument that people just can’t live “their truths” all the time because “their truth” may be harmful to others.  She believed that having sex with or getting directly into a relationship with a friend’s ex is ok….as it’s their truth that they love each other.    I argued that it’s messed up in principle, and that odds are, that relationship wouldn’t last anyway….as most don’t…..so why ruin a friendship over temporary lust.

I gave the example of Adolph Hitler.  His “truth” was that the Jewish people were evil and needed to be exterminated.    Her drop the mic rebuttal is that you can’t compare slaughtering millions of jews to having an affair.   I tried to explain that it was about the principle not the action.   I even tried to explain what a strawman argument was and how she was giving a scarecrow all the smoke.    It fell on deaf ears as she walked away feeling victorious and wouldn’t consider my real point.

I said all that to say that this isn’t the first time for this.  Maybe she’s right and I don’t get it.  I don’t understand the principles that govern her (women in general).   Well think i do and it’s what I don’t respect about them.

I think they believe that the world actually revolves around them.   It’s hard to have a real conversation with self absorbed people.   Everything is about how they feel, and everything outside this is either uninteresting or irrelevant.   It’s as if they can’t learn anything new.

My wife is a perfect example of this.   In her mind, she’s a good person.  She told me this on several occassions.   She feels justified in the cheating, denial of sex, lying, gas lighting,  potentially breaking up our home, cucking me at the request her lover, and whetever else simply because she felt unhappy. …   I’ve shown her videos, given her examples, hell I even tried to reverse the roles and ask how she’d feel it i had done the same thing….   In a way, she acknowledges what she did was wrong, but yet, continues to engage in similar activities (no more cucking as far as I know) anyway.

I show her redpill content, the examples of what other women did to men, some of which she is guilty of.  We watch divorce court and some of those women are guilty of the same things she does, even with the Judge (whom she seems to respect) saying those women are wrong, her agreeing, she still continues to do the same things.   I can show her articles or videos on “sign’s your s/o is cheating” and instead of addressing the issue, she simply says, “you’re bugging” or says nothing at all.

But when I express disdain for some of the items on the list she does, she swears that I’m insecure or overreacting.   I might not even say anything, just give her a look, or sigh deeply when she’s engaged in one of the acts, and she’ll look, ask me what’s wrong, and usually lie, change the subject, or bullshit  if i ask her to prove that she isn’t doing it.

In my mind, she’s a bad liar.   I gotta get out.   She’s either really manipulative, really stupid, or just that disconnected from reality.   Maybe I’m giving her too much credit.   I think that people know how to treat others right.    But maybe she really doesn’t.   Or maybe she is so psychopathic that she really doesn’t care.   I mean how can someone be so close to you, do so much for you, and yet and still you treat them like shit….while at the same time, really believing that you’re a good person.

She’s losing it man.   Perhaps she lost it a long time ago.   I swear she didn’t act like this in the first few years of our marriage.   She seemed reasonable.   So sane.   I thought she was a good girl which is why I married her in the first place.   Things were good at first.

Now she’s unhappy, but can’t tell me why.   She lies a lot.   She gaslights a lot.  She’s a bad liar.  She’s secretive.   She’s selfish.  She argues about the dumbest things and accuses me of things I know I don’t do.   I’m constantly having to defend myself on small things that I know I didn’t do and am unsure as to how she even comes to those conclusions.    For example, I’m always waking up out of her sleep to talk if I come in drunk.   I haven’t done that in a while and maybe once over the last year.   If that.   I’ve admitted that I did it in the past, but every since she called me out on it a year or two ago, i stopped.  Somehow she still says that I ALWAYS do it, and when I ask her to tell me when, she’ll say, “well you used to.”   I hate stupid arguments.

It would seem that she’s oblivious to my affair.  I mean seriously, I don’t even have to really lie (perhaps a few lies by omission here and there about my whereabouts).   I am relieved on one hand, but on the other, I’m a bit perturbed by it as it indicates (to me anyway) that she really can’t give a fuck about me….or she’s really just so self absorbed that she’s oblivious.

I’m really starting to think that something is very wrong with this chick mentally.  I could deal with certain issues, (i have many others with her personally that I won’t get into), but seriously, something isn’t right.    It seems that she’s not all there.   Like she’s slowly devolving into zombie or something.   She’s always been a bit of an academic blonde.   Ok, she worked hard in school to get educated, but no other intellectual interests outside of what was required to get the grade.

I’m not mentally stimulated by her.  She seems completely caught up in this social media, vacationing (she calls it travel), keeping up with the Jones’s, reality tv/celebrity gossip, lifestyle.   Like everything is superficial.

I don’t want to be here with her anymore.   I could truly deal with all the other things, those are my opinions and I get that I’m coming off as judgemental here.   But I mention those things to say that I don’t deal with her treating me like shit because I like her or admire for some reason.  It really is because we provided such a stable and happy home for our son in the beginning, that I think it will hit him super hard for us to split up.   Outside of treating me like shit part, I could probably deal with who she is as a person, superficiality and all.  I unwisely married her as I was caught up in her laid back personality and beauty at the time.  Looking back, I should have noted that our deeper conversations were really just a monologue with me talking and her “listening”.     Noone is perfect after all.

Even if I thought that there might be someone more compatible for me, it wouldn’t be worth me hurting him (or her if she really loved me) and splitting up our home to pursue it.

People say that it takes two to ruin a marriage.   Perhaps there is something I did wrong to get us to this point.   Without her feedback though, I can’t say what I did to contribute to this.   It’s hard since I have to figure this out on my own.   I have a few ideas, but I’m thinking that it’s mostly her……lack of  moral compass, lack of self reflection,  and failure to communicate which got me out here anyway.

To be continued….