Google is your friend I’m usually able to get some sort of answer or ideas about things that happen in life. I’m perplexed on this one. My wife do these crazy things to me. I think they are mind games used to dig at me, but I’m unsure.
I’ve never heard anyone else do this and I’m absolutely puzzled as to what her goal is or why she does it. I’ve asked and she never gives a direct answer. I’ll probably have to pin her down someday because it drives me batshit crazy.
The first thing she used to do (during her affair) would be to answer my phone call and say absolutely nothing until I said hello. It was as if she forgot how the telephone works or something. I’ve never seen her do this to anyone else, but I can’t be sure. Normally, when you call someone, they pick up the phone and say….hello, hold on, let me call you back….something to address the fact that they picked up.
Instead I’d call, she’d pick up and say….nothing. One or two times could be coincidental. At first, I’d just crack after a few seconds and say hello first. But after several times of doing this, I started getting frustrated. It felt disrespectful to me as I never saw her do this to anyone else. Sometimes, we’d be sitting there for up to 30 seconds until I finally cracked and said “hello” first. Once I did crack and say hello, she’d immediately respond and then the conversation would go as normal.
Dunno why, but I hated this shit. She finally stopped after the affair ended. Still though, weird shit. I think the thing that bothered me the most was that I often wondered if that narcisstic bastard did this to her, she found it attractive or something, and she started doing it to me. Either way, I just started hanging up when she did this, she’d call back and if I tried the same shit, she’d ask why I hung up on her. Sometimes, she’d gaslight and say that she did say hello. Yah alright, so why didn’t you ask again if you said it and I didn’t respond back…..to me, it was a stupid and pointless conversation when we were already having problems.
Another phone game was to call me, then respond to my initial hello with a ‘hey’ followed by silence. I mean why call someone when you have nothing to say to them. I mean at the end of the day, it’s rude in my opinion to expect the person you called to carry the conversation. I get wanting just to talk to someone on the phone without really having anything important to say, but could you ask a damn question or at least say, I didn’t have anything to talk about, just wanted to hear from you.
This sort of manifests into the thing she does now with randomly saying “huh?”. We could be just sitting around the house doing whatever thing and suddenly she hits me with “huh?”….as in repeat what you just said. The thing is, I didn’t say anything. This shit happens at least 3 times a day. She won’t just say ‘huh?’ and leave it alone, she’ll keep saying it until I say something. … usually ‘huh?’ back or ‘I didn’t say anything.’ A few minutes later ‘huh?’.
I haven’t exactly been my old chipper self towards her in the past year or so. Perhaps it’s due to still being salty about the affair, the subsequent disrespect of ‘best’ male friend, and now the disappearing acts. I’m not really cool with her at all. I mean we’re cordial as I no longer really question her. But at the end of the day, between the mind games, lack of communication when I did attempt to talk to her about the relationship, consistently being turned down for sex, her insistency of secrecy with her phone, girl trips, and so forth, I’m really not interested in pretending like we’re cool.
I feel like she ruined our friendship with the betrayal. She’s not really helping me make decisions as far as how we should proceed….and the last time i asked, she was still ‘unsure’ if she wanted to stay married. But yet she wants to buy a house together. Given that she thinks it’s ok to cheat because she’s unhappy, even if I don’t know, I don’t feel secure enough to want to take the lead on trying to work things out.
I’m also salty at the fact that I do so much around there. Perhaps it’s the nice guy syndrome, but I’m at work at least 10 hours per day, then I have to come home, and do the domestic stuff, cook, clean, get kiddo ready for school, help with homework, walk the dog, etc….. to be fair, she works long hours too, but still, how many men actually work that many hours per day and still comes home to carry the largest load of the domestic work. And on top of that work a part time job to bring in more money.
I know people don’t owe you shit for doing nice things….especially things that need to be done anyway. But still, I feel that I deserve some appreciation. Especially considering that I do manage to do all that and still find a way to hit the gym to look somewhat aesthetically appealing. I don’t think it’s cocky for me to say that I do deserve better than this.
I’m just saying, i’d think that many women would love to come home after a long day at work, her man got off from work earlier, so he’s in the kitchen almost finished cooking, shirt off, gym body, kid in the living room doing his homework, already bathed and ready for bed, and asking about her day when she walked in. Shit, I’d very much appreciate that in a spouse, and if she was faithful and desired me sexually (it don’t get much better)….but maybe it goes back to men and women appreciating different things from each other.
My issue with the mind games is that it seems that she wants me to play dancing monkey, entertain and make her laugh all the time too despite the fact that she already shitted all over me and our marriage. And as far as she knows, I haven’t had sex in over a year.
It’s like all a test to her. I’ll admit that I’m speculating, but it seems that her criteria is that I need to make her happy and making her laugh and entertaining her is what she wants me to do. I feel judged because I just don’t do it as much anymore, but tbh, lately, especially after the affair, i don’t really feel it.
I’m not a comedian, but I can joke and laugh with my lover, no problem. Some of my friends, co workers, and family no problem. I’ve also had many of my part time ride share passengers tell me how much fun/interesting our ride/conversation was.
I don’t do this with everyone, but certain people I vibe with, while others I don’t like that. We used to. I never run out of things to say to certain people, but with others, I just don’t have anything to say. After all of the things that happened between us, she’s in that category now. I mean I can with her, but it’s a struggle. It takes a lot of emotional energy. If i drank more, i probably could, but i really don’t have the time. Plus, I’d want sex and she’d piss me off if she didn’t give it up.
I really think she’s going to miss me when I’m gone. Even if she doesn’t, I’m at the point where I don’t care how she feels. Breaking our kid’s heart is the last straw and if it happens, I won’t have anything to say to her …. ever. I can forgive her for having a woman’s nature, but I won’t deal with her on any other level than cordial co parent.