Validation

Validation is a hell of a drug.    It’s been said that women bond with you when you can make them feel good about themselves.   I think this is true for some women.   If she’s used to getting compliments and validation due to men wanting to get into her panties, the effect you have over is diminished.

Love is funny.   I’m thinking that the guys who probably should be in relationships don’t get chosen too often and the guys who shouldn’t be are constantly being chosen by women.   Is it because the former has cracked the code so to speak and have more options.    Are we truly as only faithful as our options?

Perhaps men who aren’t so great with women tend to get cheated on because they cling to women who offer them validation that they normally don’t get.   I get validation in the form of compliments and lately, more often than not, when I ask a girl for her number I get it.

I don’t really have the time to follow up from there, but it usually is the right number.   I just don’t really have the time, given my tight schedule, to arrange a date.  I stay in contact every few weeks or so.  I have a couple I’ve been talking to for like a year now….I guess I’m just another blue pill sucker who she keeps on the back burner just in case.   In a sense, I’m just there for validation.   I suppose they are for me too.

To be honest, I’m just jaded with the whole sexual thing.  I have to change my mentality to become a person who just doesn’t care about what she does.  Maybe it’s the beta in me.   But sex is better when I have a connection with someone.   That does lead to problems because if we’re dating, I can’t expect them not to  be screwing around.  If we have sex consistently, I start caring.  No relationship status necessary.

But at the same time, where I stand, it is gross to share a woman.   It’s like wearing someone else’s underwear or something….Even if they washed them before I put them on.    Dunno.

this age of sexual freedom is disturbing.   There isn’t much I can do as I just don’t trust women not to cheat.   Relationships are pointless because even if you try to hold them accountable, they’re still going to do whatever the hell they want to do anyway.  Thirsty assed men don’t care about being her dude.   Everyone has secret sexual partners it seems.

Maintaining frame in a relationship is just too damn complicated and catching feelings is probably the worst thing a dude can do these days.  That is if you care about monogamy.

So…..I don’t want love without monogamy.   I don’t want monogamy because it just doesn’t work.  Screw relationships, titles don’t stop anything.    I want love, but I don’t want to share.   It seems that I have to understand that I can’t have love on my own terms.   The way I was taught.   Don’t cheat, be fair, be understanding, communicate, have consideration for each other, be kind to each other, and have fun.  Most of those things are called beta these days.   It’s low key unattractive to women.   Really the only thing required is to have fun with her and fuck her good.   And that still won’t keep her faithful.  It might keep her interested though.

It seems that I have to cheat in order to keep her faithful…or she’ll lose interest and cheat on me.   I have to hurt her and be a douche sometimes in order to spike her emotions so that she doesn’t get bored.   Studying game and all the mental tricks and fuckery to keep her around is exhausting.   I’d literally have to transform myself into a person I wouldn’t want my daughter or mother to date in order to keep her attracted.   I literally can’t care.    I’d be much more successful if I was a user, had an agenda, and had intent on saying whatever I needed to say to get her to fall, while at the same time, not meaning it.

I’d have to be a narcissist.   THIS IS NOT EASY for me.  I’m empathic to a fault it seems.  And even if I know it’s what she responds to best, it doesn’t feel natural nor right for that matter.    Even if I reframe it to say that it’s only giving her what she wants (even if she’ll never admit it to herself, let alone me)…..it’s still like selling out my principles and soul in order to please someone else.

Then again, it might be easy if I try at least try it.   As much as I hate to admit it, I think that women like for you to hurt or damage them emotionally.   Of course they never will, but seriously, it’s hard to overlook the plethora of examples of women chasing bad men, while at the same time, overlooking/unsatisfied with the ones who would treat them right.

I know that they’d end eventually end up treating me bad if I put my heart all in.   Yet it’s so easy to do the right thing….at least for me anyway.     Validation isn’t hard for me, but as it stands, I have to do all the chasing.  This is the hard part.  I lose interest quickly if sex isn’t on the table.   I don’t believe in leading people on .  I don’t trust them anyway.   I don’t have time.  and Oh yeah, I’m still married.

For them, it’s easy because guys generally do all the chasing.    They just wait for the options to come to them.

But if it’s not worth it, then why in the hell do I still have this desire to want to have a woman.   I’ve gotta overcome that lust.   I have to stop basing part of my self worth on whether or not I have a woman who’s interested in me.   It’s dangerous because if she takes that validation away, it hurts me.   That’s too much power to give to anyone.

If  I’m not willing out get out here and get my hands dirty so to speak, then I shouldn’t play this game.    Dating in this modern world isn’t for good hearted men as much as cage fighting isn’t for pacifists.   This ain’t McDonalds,  it seems that you gotta kill the cow before you can eat it.

 

 

 

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