Her happiness matters most (the script)

I appreciate real and honest conversation with the best of them.   A female friend and I were discussing marriage, happiness, and family.   She told me that she felt that there’s nothing wrong with divorce if someone was unhappy.   She figured that the kids would pick up on it anyway and they’d be better off it both parents were happy.   It would teach them that it’s ok to leave a bad situation if they felt unhappy about it.

Surface level, that sounds pretty solid.   But to me, it defeats the point of marriage.   I mean what’s the point in getting married if you walk in with the belief that you can just leave it because you’re unhappy.   To me, it’s like suicide.   Sure you can kill yourself if you feel like life gets too tough, but it shouldn’t really be an option.  It’s selfish to those who care about and love you.

It also teaches them that being unhappy about your promises and obligations is reason enough to stop.  What if I decided to quit working or paying bills because it made me unhappy.   What if I had kids that depended on me?     The way I see it, once you have children,  your personal happiness plays second fiddle to their needs.  Not to say you should be miserable either, but sacrifice is often necessary for their well being.

Don’t get me wrong, there is wisdom in knowing when to throw in the towel.  That’s usually when the cost of finishing outweighs the cost of even winning.

Wisdom has to be considered when kids are involved.   Sure, they will grow up and eventually move on, but they didn’t ask to be here.  It’s your responsibility to care for their emotional, financial, and mental well-being until they grow up.

Today, it seems that modern western women want to be wives more than they want to be married.   I think they want the ring, the wedding, and the prestige, without the hard work and sacrifice that comes after that.

Many modern women share that sentiment that life is all about their happiness and   marriage should reflect that.     I could understand if her spouse has drug issues, is abusive, won’t contribute, or constantly cheating.   But today, simply being ‘unhappy’ with her spouse because she wants to get back on the dating scene is reason enough for many women to find justification to leave their families behind.

Once she gets the notion that she’s unhappy in her head, she becomes uncooperative,  resentful, and even vindictive.  The idea possesses her and by then, it’s pretty much too late to fix anything.   She plays the victim card for other men saying how unhappy she is and how much happier they make her.

This makes her feel justified in cheating and/or disrespecting her husband.  The other guy starts feeling like he’s rescuing her when often times, the husband is clueless that the problem is that serious or that there is even a problem to begin with.

Of course her behavior changes due to the cheating causing him to act with suspicion. That has a huge negative impact on the relationship.   She won’t acknowledge that her actions are making the situation much much worse as she’s convinced that she was unhappy anyway thus justified in the lying, gas lighting, and blatant disrespect.   She becomes emotionally abusive.  Things fall apart and get from bad to nuclear fallout.   She blames him and gets closer to her lover.   The husband is losing his shit trying to figure out what’s going on and as added measure, she will let the new guy in on that frustration.   It further cements the idea in the new guy’s head that the husband really is no good for her.

Some men will just play the role because he wants the freaky sex without the obligation.    If the new guy does takes the bait and decides to take her on, she will jump ship claiming that he had nothing to do with her decision to leave.  Meanwhile, the husband acts as a safety net of sorts in case things don’t pan out the way she wants.  She knows that at any time, she could change her behavior and make peace in the house again.  If her husband is a family oriented man, she knows that the family means everything to him.   She is fully aware that she has most of the leverage so to speak.   Power has corrupted her.

In Case after case men have reported that the woman is no longer the same person he married.  She becomes morally compromised no matter how great she was in the beginning.

On a side note, I’d recommend any man who finds himself in this situation to cut his losses as soon as possible, deal with the pain of losing his family, and make real preparations to move on.   She’s not going to change as long as she knows that he will be there.   On the other end, I’ve heard countless stories from men who say once they’ve moved on, she comes back wanting to fix things.  She realizes that the grass isn’t really greener on the other side.   For many of them, it’s too late, the longer he waits, the more pain he endures and less likely he will want to return.   I’ve also heard many cases of where he took her back only to find himself in the same position a year or two later.

After all that, she feels that her husband should pay her alimony and child support, happily co parent, and still do whatever to support her for the kid’s sake.  Sometimes including accepting the new guy into their children’s lives.  I mean she’s ‘happy’ for now.   That’s the most important thing and everyone else needs to accept that.  Because she got what she wanted, everyone should be ok with it, no matter what it cost everyone else.     The sad thing is that she never considers the impact to everyone else.   It can take men years to overcome the emotional trauma.  Children can become emotionally scarred and damaged requiring years of therapy.  Grades suffer.  Depression kicks in.   But it’s all justified in her mind.   She has been told her whole life that she deserves happiness by any means.

Ironically, the children are rarely happier even though she got what she wanted.   Studies have shown that people who divorce don’t really feel much happier about their lives after the dust settles.   *Save for cases of abuse.

Modern western women are notorious for following this exact script and it’s creating a society where the potential dedicated family men no longer want to risk losing their family, hurting children, and having to coparent with a chick who cheated, emotionally abused, and took his home simply because she got bored.  Not to mention the unfair alimony and child support laws that overwhelmingly reward her regardless of who’s to blame.

The man either has to take in on the chin and comply only to lose more respect from her.   Or fight for his dignity and risk being labeled as bitter and angry….(as if he shouldn’t be).     Often times, standing up for himself will result in a toxic environment for the children.

I’m telling any man who reads this, please reconsider what you’re doing.  If you think that there is a possibility that you can’t keep her happy DO NOT TAKE A KNEE.  If she makes the change, any logic, morality, pleading, begging, appeals to family values, vows, promises, etc will fall upon deaf ears.  IT IS NOT WORTH THE RISK.    These women are savages out here.

 

 

 

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