Gaming is a fight

Gaming is like a combat sport.   Many aspects are cerebral and can be practiced alone.  Weights, cardio, bag work, shadow boxing, and katas are things that can be done to improve different aspects of your fighting.   While all very important aspects of the martial arts, the thing that separates combat sports (boxing, kickboxing, mma) from most traditional martial arts (aikido, karate, tai chi, kung fu) is live sparring.

You can read all the game theory books in the world, watch all the videos on youtube, download all of the coaching manuals, but until you get out there and approach, you’re not really getting it.   As Mike Tyson famously quoted “everyone has a game plan until you get punched in the face.”

Gaming and cold approach is very similar.   I’ve done some boxing sparring and some  point taekwondo sparring.  The difference between boxing sparring and point sparring  is huge.   It’s different when someone is trying to hit you hard and those mistakes actually hurt vs the hits are expected to be light showcasing technique over power.   One is like getting punched with bad intentions where the other is like playing tag.    Boxers and combat sport players have the distinct advantage of being able to maintian their composure after being stunned because they’ve gotten used to it.

In a similar fashion, many players tell you that gaming/cold approach is absolute paramount if you want to get good quickly.    You have to go out there with a game plan, get hit in your face (rejected) or have an awkward interaction and continue to go with it.   It takes balls.    To have an interaction go south and maintaining composure without bailing or freaking out takes a bit of experience.

It’s not easy, but in the end worth it.   They say that roughly 20% of men are out here messing with 80% of the women.  This tells me that 80% of men are not out here sparring.    Obtaining this skills should make things like being a rooster in a hen house.

For me, and I suspect many guys, cold approach is about as nerve racking as public speaking.   It’s like your first few times sparring going all out.  All of that theory and technique goes out of the window as you go into survival mode.  You get tunnel vision, you telegraph your punches, you throw haymakers, you forget to keep your hands up,  you forget to breath.   You do whatever you gotta do to survive, but after enough times, your body adapts to the shock and you’re then able to begin to apply the techniques you’ve been learning about.  Then you’re ready to start learning.

There isn’t much of a buffer from the pain with cold approach.   Rejection stings, bottom line.   If you don’t know what you’re doing, you’re very likely going to get “punched, hard, in the face.”    But having a game plan is better than none.    You want to get to the point where your mind is used to being in the ‘fire’ so that you can begin to flow with the techniques.

To be honest, I’d say that hard sparring IS the number one thing to do.   An untrained person who just got into a lot of fights in life will probably do better against a boxer who trained but never/rarely sparred.

It’s a matter of resiliance and getting back out there.   From what I hear, most players don’t have a .500  record.   From my understanding it is a numbers game, but batting around .300 makes you pretty good.  Out of 20 approaches they say that beginners can expect to get about 4 numbers and maybe one of those should pan out into a date.   That’s about 5 dates to every 100 girls approached.   I think I can do better, but these are numbers I hear.  I have no idea how they meet so many women.   I don’t think I even see 100 women in a month.    Regardless, I have to stop being such a pussy, glove up, and hit the ring.

If even the greats tell you that they still get rejected sometimes, it’s safe to say that I should expect the same.    Of course a cocky, arrogant attitude can get you further and I suspect why it’s the reason so many players are cocky sobs.

I have to learn to look at cold approach like sparring.   All of the inner work and research is preparation, but I have to step into the ring and just do it….butterflies and all.

On another point, I realized that I have to always be leading the interaction in the beginning.   When I do approach, I have to pretty much have an outline of where and how I want the interaction to go.   I can’t leave it up her or chance to kind of see where it goes.  I should have a game plan in mind and at least attempt to stick to the script.

The game plan is as soon as I see her:


Power UP/ Energy Work

1)articulate what I want mentally, specifically (a short conversation, build small rapport and a little attraction and exchange contact info) …. 1st few seconds

2)expect a positive outcome (maintain confidence, she laughs or doesn’t run off, gives me her info, wants me to call/text)….. feel how it would feel to have achieved this….2nd few seconds


3)approach (lead the interaction by keeping the energy of steps 1 and 2)…by the 10TH second.

4)Follow up the next day or two and go from there.

Sounds so basic….until I get punched in the face.  I’m ready though.





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