Am i broken or finally waking up?

I’m wondering if all this mgtow, redpill information is affecting me in a bad way.  I didn’t forsee the implications of all of this.   To believe that most women are not trustworthy and that finding a good one is truly like finding a needle in a haystack is a bit depressing.   The pain that came after opening myself up is something I don’t think I can ever forget.   I feel much better, but I know that something is missing now.   I know that I really don’t want to love like that again.

It has also pretty much brought me to the conclusion that monogamy is dead.   And that the only way to have a ‘relationship’ is to assume that your woman will ultimately cheat on you.   I don’t know why this is a big problem for me, but it is.   Perhaps a few more months of normalizing this idea will bring me to the point where it really doesn’t matter.

For some reason, I don’t want to get to that point.   As of now, somewhere, there is the dream that some women really won’t go out there and cheat behind my back with someone more alpha, some ex flame, or some new crush that reciprocates.

The part of the programming where monogamy is a real thing is a hard one to overcome.   If I have to share someone sexually, then I really don’t want a love relationship.   I mean I get that people like variety and all, but still.

I know sometimes, it’s JUST SEX, but still.   It’s a hurtful thing to think that the one you love in the embrace of another man’s arms.  I’ve lived through it and tbh, I don’t want that type of attachment.   To think that my entire world could come crumbing down because she decides to give another man a blowjob.   And yet, if i choose to love again, that could totally happen.  Given the way these women are acting now, it’s likely.

The peter pan idea of it not happening is pathetic.

But what do I look like, being there for her, having her back, dealing with her good and bad, providing, supporting, and sacrificing, when another man who does none of that can still get in and get what’s supposed to be exclusive to me.  Disrespect her sexually in ways she likes but won’t allow me to do because she doesn’t want me to see her like that.  Nature and psychology played a cruel trick on us.

He gets the milk while I’m taking care of the cow.   FWB seem to be the only way from here.   If i gotta share, then why put in all the work anyway?  What am I a fool?  He gets to benefit from my efforts without having to lift a damn finger….ok maybe one.  There is no honor in that.  In this case, it’s more self respectable just have the milk and let him do all the heavy cow lifting.

Let him invest and I’ll do the rest.  If other men don’t know or don’t care what their woman is doing behind their backs, then I’d be a damn fool out here knowing what I know and wanting to have that.

Perhaps sex is no more meaningful than going to a football game or taking a stroll in the park.   It’s as meaningful as we make it and it’s more meaningful when it means something ya know.   I get why a man would want to invest in a woman.  It’s a beautiful, hard, ugly, but ultimately amazing thing if it works right.

I sort of pity these fools.  I was there once.    Most husbands hearts would break if they know all the things these wives are out here doing.    They’d be disgusted.   I literally threw up when I found out about my wife.  I still can’t imagine putting another man through that even if his wife was hot,had the hots for me, and was willing to herself.   Getting cheated your wife while you love her is truly hell…and yet it happens A LOT.

As amazing as sex with attachment is, it’s really/truly not worth the fallout and the odds are in highly in favor of it ending badly.

Deep down, I still do want that 1 person still even though now that thought feels foolish, naive, and unrealistic.

Or i could just stay blue pill and pretend that this doesn’t happen.   Nah man, screw romantic love, it’s just all neurochemicals and biology anyway.   Smoke and mirrors.   The old days of monogamy are gone.   So is that type of love.  I gotta get over that desire for that kind of love.

I know it sounds selfish, but if I can’t have the monogamy, then I don’t want the hard parts of traditional love it either.

From now on, the  motto is:   “Do you, I’ll do me, and when we get together, we’ll do us …until we get tired of  doing it.”  … It’s the only way to do it these days.

 

 

 

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