I just don’t understand the mindset of cheaters. I’ve been reading stories on reddit’s surviving infidelity forums and I’m convinced that there must be a special place in hell for them. Wait…I can’t judge too much based off my ‘separation shenanigans’, but I’m not separated because I wanted to be. I was pushed into this.
Me, the wife, and our kid went to church this weekend and as usual, the Holy Spirit tailored the message for us. This time, the sermon was about being ‘All in’. The pastor specifically gave an example about how his parent’s divorce devestated him as a kid and it was due to them not being “All In.”
The day before, we talked about what we wanted moving forward and neither of us know at this point. She’s been nicer to me, but still hasn’t shown me anything that would indicate that she wants to work on things. She claims that she’s on the fence. I don’t go out of my way to contact her and am still headed down the path of emotional disconnection. I usually try to keep it business only. She wants to laugh and be friendly, but it pisses me off that she’s so aloof about how bad she hurt me. Occassionally I do talk to her about my emotional state, but for the most part, I just come around to handle business and I don’t really say much to her at all.
The funny thing is that I don’t think that I’d be happy with her either. The difference is that I never even thought that marriage was about happiness primarily. To me, it was about growth and providing a stable home for our kids. Sure we’d try our best to be and make each other happy, but ultimately, it was on us as individuals to find it within the space that our vows allowed.
I really don’t know how she can claim to love our son, but not be interested in making things work. She called last night and told me that he was upset about me not living there and was hoping that I would move back in after the lease was up over there. She told him that we have to figure a few things out and left it at that. I really don’t understand how she could be so selfish and cold. It’s really shocking that I really don’t know this woman. Many days, I wish I never married her and brought our son into this. I love him with all of me and even though I’m over her as a spouse for the most part, I would stay just so he wouldn’t have to experience that emotional pain.
How can cheaters be so freakin selfish? How is she so ok with breaking up our family and hurting him?
I told her that I was truly blindsided by the whole thing because she never told me she was unhappy before the affair. She tells me now that she didn’t handle it right. At the same time, reading the surviving infidelity forums from people who went through this tells me that there is a very good chance that even if we somehow manage to work it out, she’d very likely cheat again. Given the level she betrayed me for him, the lack of remorse, and tepid commitment to possibly working things out, i’m thinking it might be him again should she reach out. It doesn’t matter that she tells me that she now ‘realizes’ that he isn’t a good person.
I love my son, I’d consider doing more work to meet her more than halfway, but she isn’t the type that I can trust. I don’t get how we can agree on so many moral issues. How she can actively dislike R. Kelly, talk shit about cheaters on the reality TV shows she watches, but still be the way she is. Man, this chick is crazy.