It’s weird waking up from the blue pill teaching about women. All my life, I was taught that part of being a good man was one who put his woman first. That being nice, providing, helping, and putting her on a pedestal was what she wanted. That she desired to be treated with kindness by her man. That we really should try not to hurt her emotionally, be consistent, be honorable, truthful, loyal, her friend, confidant, and lover. That we should open up doors, pay for dates, pump the gas, buy flowers, and write corny ass love letters (when the time was right of course). That we should treat her like a princess.
It’s so easy to fall into that trap because society tells us this. Women often talk about their abusive or cheating ex’s who did them wrong in the past. My dumb ass used to actually want to show her what it was like to have a man who considered her and treated her well. In most of my relationships, I wanted to be the guy who actually did ‘right’ by her. I thought that if she showed enough interest and we started dating, then I should be that guy for her. That she deserved it. I thought it would be enough to keep her interested.
Unfortunately, from my experience as well as stories from other men who attempted this, it’s not really what women are attracted to. Sure it sounds good on paper, but experience shows that this isn’t the case. In fact, you do these things if you want her to lose interest. I only technically cheated in one of my relationships and the girl still wanted to try to work on things. I’ve been cheated on in pretty much every other one.
There I was, the ‘good’ guy, not clingy, giving space, treating them well, considering their feelings before I did things, and acting….ya know….normal. Selfless and fun. Giving more than I took. I think they did love me in a sense, but at the same time, they ended up cheating with some douche or another only to want me back after I found out.
I am/was that ‘sweet’ guy. Massages, flowers just because, surprise dates, handling the bills, cooking, washing her car, taking it for an oil change, walking her dog, fixing stuff around the house, faithful….you name it. I’m not perfect, but I always kept in pretty decent shape, maintained a decent job, and never asked for money or favors unless I really needed them. Sure, I do drink on the weekends and if they started showing red flags, I snooped in their phones, but still gave them space if they wanted to go out with the girls. I played fair. I was honest, but not brutally. I considered myself in essence a ‘good’, not perfect man. They’re all still pretty cool with me and have told me later that I ‘am/was’ a good man to them.
The waywardness of my wife was the final straw. Or so I thought. It’s so ingrained in me to be kind to women that I find myself doing it by default. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that a woman is obligated to want you just because you’re nice to her. I just wonder why being nice to her seems to cause her to lose that spark of attraction. Perhaps it’s the idea that they want someone they can change. Maybe it’s really about the chase. If that’s the case, then I have to be redpill because I’m not really about the games. I prefer peace, not to create/fabricate some drama just to keep her happy.
I don’t think I can do it again, it’s also not my personality to be a ‘bad boy’. I’ve never intentionally used people for selfish gain. TBH, I’ve never done bad things to anyone unless I felt like they deserved it. I’m very patient and forgiving. I’m not afraid to fight for what I believe in and I’m quick to stand up for myself.
That said the evidence points to the fact that it probably isn’t everyone else, it’s probably me. From what I see, being a blue pill beta was probably the issue. I’m ok with me and I actually want to treat my so with respect. I don’t think it’s dysfunctional and don’t want to become dysfunctional in order to keep women. MGTOW pump and dump is the best way forward for me. NO ATTACHMENTS.