The other side of the pillow


I had conversation with a female friend and she was explaining how hard it is for a woman to find a good man.   She told me how she, her friends, and the women at the beauty shop felt that men wanted only the ‘crazy’ women and the ‘bad bitches.’   That being nice or good to a man usually granted them a one way ticket to heartbreak.   How she’s at the point that she thinks that she should stop being so accommodating to the men in her life.  It was as if she felt that she had to impress him in order to get or keep him interested.

The cognitive dissonance with these women are something else.   While I won’t discount cognitive dissonance as a minor thing (perception being ‘reality’ and all), it’s really amazing how they can’t use their minds to see how easy they have it.

After listening to her ‘complaints’ about men, I had to inquire about what kind of men she found attractive in the first place and how it was that so many men out here (such as myself) have had the issue of not being able to keep a woman happy for long.

There seems to be an underground gender war where either one or both sides are misinformed, in denial about reality, or really just being dishonest.   I told her that most men, at least the ‘good’ ones I’ve met don’t like ‘bad bitches’.   In fact, we like women who are down to earth.   We might be attracted to certain physical characteristics, but that’s not enough to keep us interested long term.   That attraction and respect are two different things for us.   That just because a man might desire sex with you doesn’t mean that he wants to be with you.  But of course she knew that already.

I reminded her that women were the gatekeepers to sex.   Most men aren’t going to turn down NSA sex with a woman.   I ran the scenario that if we both went out to a bar that night and made a bet on who’d get laid first, who would win?   She said she thought I would.

There is something really wrong with this scenario if she actually thinks that.   Either I’ve really underestimated how easy it is to lay women or she’s really underestimating  how thirsty most men are.    Given the fact that she already says that men will screw almost anything, it leads me to believe that she’s just in denial.

I had to remind her how we as men have to do ALL of the heavy lifting.   We have to approach, entertain, be interesting, maintain the conversation, make her laugh, make her feel comfortable, (buy drinks, if you’re into that kind of thing), make plans, ask for her number, put ourselves out there and risk rejection.    We have to pretty much lead the interaction, deal with subconscious shit tests from her and many times, her friends.  We put in work.

All she had to do was not be a bitch, show a little encouragement, and sometimes laugh at a joke or two.   Just basically show interest and not make us feel like a damn fool.    I wanted to seriously ask if it was really that hard for women to not be a bitch.  I mean all she has to do is be…ya know, normal.    She didn’t have to tell jokes, entertain, nor lead the interaction.   Just be normal.  She was the judge, jury, and executor.    We were and are at her mercy.    It’s only the guys who get used to rejection who don’t really feel that pressure.    But for the most part, most men don’t really have that much experience and game and many will not approach.

If at any moment in the interaction, she felt uncomfortable, felt like abusing her power, or simply loses interest, we faced the possibility of taking the blow to our ego.  Especially if we liked her.   Sometimes it’s even worse to receive those initial attraction signals, only to have her lose it once we start talking to her.    Rejection sucks and for the most part, she is holding all the cards.

The ones who can approach and make it seem like a movie or something as opposed to kind of awkward are often very successful with a lot of women.   Hence, players.    Some are just charming like that, but most often it comes from years of gaming.

I then asked her about the type of men she liked and she seemed to kind of struggle with the answer.    She said she liked ‘nice’ men with laid back personalities similar to hers.   But later, she admitted that she liked ‘good looking’ guys which to me is about as subjective as it gets.  I did feel like We did get somewhere when she said that she should probably think a little more about the answer to that question though.

Are most women really that oblivious?   I mean she’s a fairly attractive woman.   She has a great shape and decent face.  It wouldn’t seem that hard for her to attract a man.  She has a decent job, pretty decent personality, is quite intelligent, fairly funny and can laugh at herself.   I’m not sure where the insecurity comes from, but to fair, I wonder if the majority of decent women feel like her.

Another interesting view was her take on cheating.   While be both agreed that cheating was a very lousy thing to do to someone.  She said that women hurt more over and were more humiliated over it.   That men generally don’t give second chances and it seemed unfair that if she cheated, she might be inclined to forgive (depending on the scenario), but men will never forgive.

My take was that it is men who stand to lose more if their woman cheats.   When a man cheats, it’s pretty much his fault.   When a woman cheats, it’s pretty much assumed that it’s his fault.    Even worse for a man is the fact that it often directly insinuates that he “must not be hitting it right” if he seems like a decent guy overall. At the very least, he did something wrong.    A woman could be decent by all appearances and him cheating generally has ‘nothing’ to with her.

Plus, in general, if the new man is more skilled  and more endowed than the old, a woman won’t feel as much pleasure if she goes back to the old.   As men, the increased pleasure factor for us is mostly due the to ‘newness’ of it all.    He could go back to his woman and the sex in general will feel the same.  Worst case scenario for her is that the ‘new’ woman knows a few more tricks, but those skills can be learned if she’s willing.

Our biggest fear is that he ‘filled’ her in a way that we never could and it hits us right at our ego.   She might be powerless to resist if decides to come back later on and remembers how much ‘better’ he was.  If she cheated before, what’s to stop her from doing it again, especially if we can’t satisfy her sexually as much as the next man can.

While she weakly dismissed the assertion that this could be the case, she did acknowledge that this really could happen at the same time.    Even if she doesn’t cheat again, it’s always the possibility that she’s thinking about him.   IT plays right into our pride to know that another man has been in her.   It feels like she was violated in a way and that she should could never “enjoy” us the same again.

It’s already tough to acknowledge that there is the possibility that one of her ex’s or former bodies might be way better, but even harder when you’re thinking that she cheated due to you not ‘being enough’ in that area.    We don’t have much control over that and while technique can take you far, I personally wonder how far can it really take you?… and can she be honest about it without hurting our feelings knowing that we’d feel a certain way.

What I took from this conversation with my friend is that (unless she’s lying) that many women are way more insecure than I thought when it comes to sex, relationships, and attraction.   I also took away that there is somewhat of an innocent naivety in their outlook of the bigger picture in sex and dating.   Their ignorance of their own nature is due to just not thinking about it in terms of the struggle of the ‘average’ or regular guy.

The guys they are attracted to have this ‘factor’ and if they’ve mostly dealt with these types of guys, it’s only natural to assume that most men have it like that.    It also reaffirms the redpill 80/20 rule.    That 80% of the women are screwed by like 20% of the men on average.  It’s an attraction issue.

It explains why there are so many men are out here complaining that women don’t really give them a chance and when they do, they often get monkey branched.    While women complain that ‘men ain’t shit.’

It’s not that most men ‘ain’t shit’.  It’s just that women are mostly attracted to the “ain’t shit” men while ignoring or friend zoning the decent ones who would make good husbands or boyfriends.    At the same time,  those good guys who have gotten their hearts broken realize that what woman say they want isn’t what works.  We become emotionally unavailable (not out of bitterness or hurt, but because we know what happens from experience) which ironically makes us more attractive…. even if they won’t admit it.

Or maybe most of us just suck at sex.


Actions speak louder than words.














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