I had a discussion with my wife about redpill philosophy, MGTOW, and why this movement and similar movements are rapidly growing.    She isn’t much for words and didn’t offer any substantial feedback.

I told her how many men discover redpill after being dragged through the family court system and gave examples of how many good men were being cheated on and left by their wives.   I told her about the stories of good men, even more successful than me, better husbands than me, were being done wrong by their wives.   How they were humiliated, disrespected, and ultimately kicked to the curb simply because she “fell out of love.”

I told her how their experiences were similar to mine.   Hoping that seeing it from other perspectives, some worse than mine, would help her see how immoral and wrong her behavior was.

I was hoping to put her on game.   Hoping to show her that many men are immoral and will say and do anything to get into her panties.   How they don’t care if she disrespects them, her marriage, or herself in order to get laid.   That once they get what they want, they can’t commit to her knowing that she’s a cheater.    They don’t respect her nor see her as a good woman.    That we as men (in general) will say or do anything to get laid.

I wanted her to see that what is doing isn’t uncommon and that she isn’t a unique snowflake.  That there is a difference between good and bad behavior.   That good men are waking up to this and will hold things like this against her.   That the baggage she’s creating (lies, deception, etc.) will move forward with her.   And that she either has to risk being ‘fake’ in her next relationship by lying about our marriage or risk losing credibility with her next (husband?) if she moves forward.   That she should learn to try and suppress or overcome the wickedness she seems so fond of if she wants to find real happiness with someone else.   Then again, maybe people can change if the right person comes along.    Who knows.

I try to shield her from some of the harder philosophies about how logic and reasoning is really wasted on women.   That their emotions and strong tendency of cognitive dissonance separate them from reality.

I think that red pill has awakened me to many of the simp behavior that I  had and is  inherent in the black community as a whole.    We as black men do the MOST in order to get sex from women.   The majority of our motivation comes from the desire to get laid.   We lay aside morality, ethics, religious beliefs, everything just to get our dicks wet.   It’s really no wonder women are the way that they are.    In short, their power over us comes from our intense desire to get pussy.

I think this is in part biological and in part social.   Of course it’s part of our biological imperative to procreate and reproduce.   Our society also implicitly tells us that the more women we have sex with, the better men we are.

This makes us not hold women accountable for being bitches or acting irrationally.   We cheat with other men’s wives.   Destroy homes and families.  Get unworthy women pregnant.  Marry even though we know that the odds are really high for failure all so we can have pussy.   We cheat, often placing our futures, careers, and families at risk.   All because we want sex and will sell our souls to get it.   It made me ignore the red flags she gave off while we were dating and ignore or excuse some of her selfish behaviors while we were married.     We have to do better.

I’m waking up to the fact that sex is such a powerful motivator often to our own detriment that we have to undo this mental conditioning.   There are way worse things than not getting laid.

If I’m honest, a huge part of my hurt and desire to get back with her is because I want more sex from her.   I’ve entertained (no sex …yet) the idea of just getting someone on the side to get over her.    Of course this conflicts with us getting back together (if i’m trusting in God) even though I wonder if my attention is elsewhere if she’ll act right.    I want a real connection with someone, not just sex, but at the same time, I don’t want a relationship either.   I don’t know what I want.

I think still boils down to why the urgency for sex has to addressed.   I am actually considering to compromise my morals and cheat (separated, but we’re still married)  in order to fulfill this desire in me.    Knowing that it most likely won’t end well.    I’m also disrespecting myself by allowing her to “be on the fence” about this while I am still pretty resolute in wanting it to work.

Ultimately though, this knowledge or awakening has helped me realize that maybe she isn’t a great partner for marriage for me.    I mean, she won’t have serious discussions about the future or even the present for that matter.    She doesn’t seem to think about these things or at  least won’t or either can’t talk to me.    I don’t trust her and she doesn’t communicate with me in a way that brings out the best in me.   Our conversations become a monolog with me dominating the conversation either lecturing her or trying to pry information out of her like an interrogation expert.

My ideal marriage is co-partnership with me of course being the lead, but she needs to play an ACTIVE role in helping me make the best decision for us.   This requires her to put up some emotional energy and offer up some ideas on how we should move forward.   I will admit that I don’t know it all, but it’s not my style to pretend that I do either.    At the end of the day, even if we don’t work it out, we have to co parent and her acting stupid about things makes me think that that will even be difficult.

Even if she decides that she wants to work on things, the question is if she’s even capable of doing what’s needed.   She doesn’t read anything about self growth.   She doesn’t seem interested unless it comes to working out her body.    She’s superficial almost childlike in her approach to this, just letting the cards fall where they may.  Not concerned about how her actions affect our family.      I suppose I was somewhat aloof like that, but I feel that this has awakened me to the fact that I have to take this ‘adulting’ thing more seriously.  It’s a scary thought to think that I’m the most mature one this relationship.   And that’s by a long shot.

The lack of trust has awakened me to the fact that her lack of communication is a huge deal.   Before her affairs, I wrote it off as a personality quirk that we could overcome.   But due to her affairs and broken trust,  her lack of transparency, lack of communication, and selfishness are all on the table.   They hinder any sort of progress we might be able to have in rebuilding this thing.

So with the knowledge that she isn’t quite right for me for marriage.   That me sitting here ‘waiting’ on her to decide if she wants to stay married, even though she had the affairs, broke the trust, and damaged things to this point, is indeed disrespecting myself.  She still doesn’t really address the issues one way or another.   I am still simping.   For love, for lust, for my family, no matter.  I shouldn’t have to simp for my family.    She doesn’t love nor respect me.  How could she when it would appear that she doesn’t really love nor respect herself in a real way.  The worst thing is that she doesn’t even realize it.