All throughout the affair, I often wondered if my wife knew that she was acting in a wicked manner. Sure, i was hurt and I acknowledge that it might have seemed more wicked than it really was.
But at the same time, in the past, it seemed so antithetical to what she seemed to believe that it’s really hard to believe that she didn’t know.
We used to watch the show cheaters and she expressed her disdain for cheaters. She can often identify the immoral behavior on reality tv shows and talks about the nuances in the black and white.
Her excuse of being “unhappy” doesn’t seem to justify her actions. She knows that she didn’t tell me that she was unhappy until after she got caught. She seems so normal on the surface. She still doesnt seem to quite get how fucked up this was. Even if caught up in the affair, how could she not recognize that doing things to humiliate me for her affair partner’s ego gratification was just wicked.
It really makes me worry that i can never trust her. I just don’t know what she’s capable of. If her loyalty can be compromised so fully, then can i really ever trust her again. Whats worse is that she never gave any indication that she could have an affair, let alone betray me the way that she did.
I fell hard for a heartless woman. As sweet as she seemed on the outside, the inside was ultimately empty. I paid dearly for it.
Maybe saying it this way can help my heart catch up to my mind.