An old pastor/counselor texted me today and asked about how things were going between me and the wife. After a few formalities, I opened up about the current situation with her and her friend and why I moved out. Thinking back, I probably shouldn’t have. On one hand, I’m hoping he could offer some insight as an older man as to how I should best handle the situation. On the other, I feel that I’m sort of selling her out. I know he doesn’t have the answers, I should have just asked him to pray.
I am looking for answers and insight, but at the same time, I wonder how much am I looking for comfort and validation. Do I really need someone to validate me and tell me how sorry they are I’m going through this. Sometimes, as a part time Lyft driver, I’ll tell a customer about my situation. Depending on how interested they seem, I’ll go into details. Universally, they agree with my assessment. I figure that they are strangers and I’ll probably never see them again so I feel more comfortable confiding in them. I am leaning towards insight though. The other night, I told someone since the conversation we were having drifted towards going out, meeting women and so forth. I explained that I was a bit rusty since I was married, but going through a separation. I told him that I wasn’t looking forward to the dating world because I’ve heard (and somewhat experienced) what it has to offer. He asked what happened and I tell him what happens. In my mind, since I’ve been dealing with this so long, it’s matter of factly. As in, I’m just figuring out how to manage. I wasn’t looking for sympathy. But he was saying how bad he felt, how he couldn’t imagine it, and how much it must suck. “Good luck man” and “I hope it works” .
I usually get those type of responses, but now I’m thinking that I probably should stop. I’m not looking for validation, it’s just something that’s happening and it’s too easy to weave in to conversation. I don’t always talk about it with people. I don’ t know why I do with some people, but to my defense, it’s probably only with maybe 5% of the people I give a ride to. If that. Anyway, after I dropped him off, it hit me that I’m sort of dumping my problems onto people. Sure it is kind of therapeutic, but I don’t need to be laying heavy shit like that on to people. That’s what this blog is for.