An old pastor/counselor texted me today and asked about how things were going between me and the wife.   After a few formalities, I opened up about the current situation with her and her friend and why I moved out.   Thinking back, I probably shouldn’t have.  On one hand, I’m hoping he could offer some insight as an older man as to how I should best handle the situation.   On the other, I feel that I’m sort of selling her out.   I know he doesn’t have the answers, I should have just asked him to pray.

I am looking for answers and insight, but at the same time, I wonder how much am I looking for comfort and validation.   Do I really need someone to validate me and tell me how sorry they are I’m going through this.   Sometimes, as a part time Lyft driver, I’ll tell a customer about my situation.  Depending on how interested they seem, I’ll go into details.   Universally, they agree with my assessment.   I figure that they are strangers and I’ll probably never see them again so I feel more comfortable confiding in them.  I am leaning towards insight though.  The other night, I told someone since the conversation we were having drifted towards going out, meeting women and so forth.   I explained that I was a bit rusty since I was married, but going through a separation.   I told him that I wasn’t looking forward to the dating world because I’ve heard (and somewhat experienced) what it has to offer.   He asked what happened and I tell him what happens.   In my mind, since I’ve been dealing with this so long, it’s matter of factly.   As in, I’m just figuring out how to manage.   I wasn’t looking for sympathy.  But he was saying how bad he felt, how he couldn’t imagine it, and how much it must suck.   “Good luck man” and “I hope it works” .

I usually get those type of responses, but now I’m thinking that I probably should stop.   I’m not looking for validation, it’s just something that’s happening and it’s too easy to weave in to conversation.  I don’t always talk about it with people.  I don’ t know why I do with some people, but to my defense, it’s probably only with maybe 5% of the people I give a ride to.   If that.    Anyway, after I dropped him off, it hit me that I’m sort of dumping my problems onto people.   Sure it is kind of therapeutic, but I don’t need to be laying heavy shit like that on to people.   That’s what this blog is for.