Perhaps it’s the “Red Pill Rage”, but lately, after speaking to so many women, I’m starting to see things I’ve never noticed. I’ve always been the ‘nice’ guy, not because I wanted sex, but because I figured that people would want treat you the way you treated them. I wanted to treat women as equal to men.
Now I realize that there is a problem. You cannot. I mean, you can, but the consequences are that you end up losing respect from women.
Here’s what I’m noticing, women can talk and speak at length with logic, understanding, and reason. There seems another darker side to them that transcends that. I call it emotional agency. Or rather the lack of it.
Most of them completely ‘shut down’ (at least the ones I’ve been dealing with) if you disagree with them or simply fail to understand what they are saying. This can manifest as either extremely ‘bitchy’ behavior or the silent treatment. Usually marked by saying “I’m fine” followed by silence.
A good conversation can quickly go south if you don’t derail or turn back. You have to carefully watch the signs or else they will quickly jump into their feelings. From there, you may as well eject. This has the added effect of making them lose respect for you as your ability to make them “feel safe” is gone.
I’m thinking that i was wrong with the idea that it’s better to tell them what they need to hear over telling them what they want to hear. Of course, tact was always par for the couse, but no matter how tactful you are, no matter how good your intentions are, you just can’t.
Many times, for me anyway, it’s not about “winning” or being right. Nor is it necessarily about changing her mind. It’s simply why not just consider what I’m saying and here are the reasons why it might benefit you.
On the other hand, they are quick to tell me their opinions on how I’m not “living my best life.” I actually listen and often consider their assessment, even if i disagree. But then, when i ask for examples of how I’m guilty of whatever indictment Im accused of, they either can’t or don’t want to tell me.
I do realize that we cant always come up with examples in real time, so i allow it. But, just like I’ve told several women i know….”you cant just call someone a theif without telling them what they stole. You can’t accuse someone for being a liar if you can’t tell them what they lied about.”
How can you accuse me of something, but not tell me what i did/am doing to make you think that way? But even in the cases they do give me an example, I’ll either accept that i didn’t realize it or ask for further clarification before outright dismissing it. For me, it’s growth, even if there are growing pains involved.
The 800 pound gorilla in the room is that this sentiment is never reciprocated. That’s to say that any advice or suggestion i have for them is taken as a personal insult. They don’t have to “defend” themselves. In short, the game seems that they get to play offense and you must always play defense. And u gotta play with ‘kiddie gloves’ no matter how wicked, irresponsible, or shitty they act.
It’s not even a matter of fear of confrontation. It’s a matter of once the “bitch” shield goes up, then any chance of getting through goes completely out the window. It’s a waste of time. It’s like how the good book talks about arguing with a fool about his folly.
It’s even worse that society pretty much gives women a pass for being a bitch. They excuse themselves and treat it like it’s some endearing quirk or something. We as men, however cannot afford to simply lose control like that. While i think it’s not a masculine thing to do, it appears that many women are attracted to men who get emotionally bitchy and call it being strong. It’s called standing in their own truth even if it goes against everything else they previously claimed to stand for.
As a man, i feel that this emotional instability could be a huge liability if it’s exhibited in a friendship where i need to trust you to hold it together. I feel that we have to be able hold it together in spite of emotional turmoil. If he folds or allows his emotions to overwhelm his ability to reason, then he can’t be trusted not to freeze up if shit hits the fan.
I really thought that women should be trusted in the same way. You know, we were equal in that way. But now i realize that i was wrong. At least that’s been my experience as of late. I have to learn that you have to keep certain truths from them. Their tendency to go from 0 to bitch(unreasonable) in a few minutes make it best to avoid anything remotely controversial.
It’s sad, because one of the things i envisioned in a wife is someone who could “hold me down” just as i “held it down for her” no matter how hard it got. Someone i could be 100 with. Even if it hurt sometimes. I wanted someone, not to just grow old with, but to grow up with.
Now i realize that every move and step has to be measured. I have to “play the game”. I can’t expect her to just love me for me, but how well I play it and if the way i play it serves her needs at the moment. It’s not about me, nor us, it’s truly all about her if i choose to play.
This means that i can only give love, but not my heart. Tbh, she probably doesn’t really want it anyway even if she says that she does.