My wife says that the main reason she wants to split is because she’s “not happy”. She says that it has nothing to do with me and that I did nothing wrong. She doesn’t say why she isn’t happy, but she somehow knows that being married to me is making her unhappy. TBH, I think it has to do with her wanting to be with someone else.
Her behavior and lack of emotion towards me makes me realize that pursuing her now would be fruitless and probably have a negative effect. Honestly, I don’t think I have it in my anymore due to the way she’s been acting as of late. At the same time, sitting there doing nothing, counting the days down to where i can move out doesn’t seem to be productive either.
It’s odd how, in a sense, I do feel that I am settling. I mean she doesn’t really communicate her needs well. She doesn’t seem to be self reflective. She’s a cheater. A liar. Lacks introspection (Seems to believe the lies she tells to herself). Is influenced by the bullshit in the world. Secretive. Seems to lack empathy for me. Does things I absolutely abhor (cell phone addiction, faithfully watches reality tv) and won’t take responsibility for things she needs to do around the house. She avoids problems, procrastinates, and then complains about things when they don’t get done. She’s not adventurous, doesn’t take interest in my interests, and does things like (clean only when she’s expecting guests). She’s selfish and is always complaining about some body aches, back pains, etc. She wants a boob job even though I think she’s fine. Has no hobbies, interests, passions (except travel, but she doesn’t plan trips either). Her wants seems to come before our needs. In essence, she personifies things I don’t like in the stereotypical western woman. Ok, that’s harsh towards women, but she seems to be most of the things I don’t like.
She is pretty. She doesn’t nag. She isn’t the jealous type… and those things alone make up for a lot of the things I don’t like. But the lack of loyalty, communication, empathy, effort, trust, and affection don’t balance it out. She talks a good game to other people, but i think it just comes from knowing what people want to hear. She’ll fool a lot of guys if we don’t make it. Sorry for them if they fall for it. She’d make a good trophy wife maybe, but I need a partner, not a ‘walking trophy’. Or maybe I just don’t bring those things out of her.
Conversation is superficial at best and she never has any insightful input on deeper subjects. Philosophy, spirituality, and politics (unless we’re bashing Donald Trump) are pretty much out the window. Apparently, sleep is more important than sex to her (at least when it comes to me these days). It seems she’s ‘saving herself’ for her bff and so I’m effectively involuntarily celibate now.
Yet, I accepted that that’s just who she is (the reason for no sex is just speculation). I still loved her and our family unit regardless. But yet, she’s the one who’s unhappy? She may be an ok mother, but as a wife or partner for me, she’s horrible.
What irony…. she’s not happy.
I don’t understand why this is so painful for me. I’d be fine by myself, or at least I keep telling myself that. But in reality, i guess that I am already.
She lacks respect for me. Hell, I lost self respect when I decided to put up with her shit. My esteem has taken a toll for it. But I did it for my family and not her per se so no regrets there. Now that things have quieted down. I don’t bother her about trying to ‘fix’ things nearly as much. I guess that the last step is figuring out how to just lose hope completely and let go. I don’t know why it’s been so hard. I’m happy (well at least grateful what I do have), but i’m hurt right now. I don’t understand how i could put up with her shit and yet still be willing to fight for our family and yet her love just disappeared to the point she’s ready to throw in the towel. I’ve asked time and time again, what her issues are with me and the only thing is that “she doesn’t love me like that” anymore.
I’ve accepted that it is what it is, but it just bothers me not to understand why? Perhaps the problem is that neither of us bring out the ‘best’ in each other. Maybe it’s for the best. It just feels like she gave up and isn’t even trying. How could she just give up on our family like this? Maybe deep down she knows something i just don’t. Or maybe, she just gave up too fast. I know things are going to work out whether together or apart. It could just dismiss this as her being selfish. I mean family first….right. Our son does deserve a home…right. Why does her ‘undefined’ sense unhappiness and aimless search for it have to come at the expense of our home?
Am i being selfish? What am I missing in all of this? Am I wrong for my views about marriage. When do I throw in the towel? I gave it my best shot. How much more patience /time do I give it? I don’t even know who to fight this fight and in the end, can we even win? All I know is that it takes, two, I can’t force her to want it as much as me. Why is it just so easy for her to throw it all away. Why doesn’t she love us? Why isn’t our family worth fighting for? How do we make her so unhappy? Why aren’t we worth it to her? Is she truly evil and selfish or am I just viewing this all wrong? What is love anyway? Is the feeling that important.