Yeah, it hurts like you’d think it would

We finally got around to telling kiddo about me leaving and it hurt him so much.  I held it together for the most part and was supportive.   That hurt though.  Seeing him in so much emotional pain was probably one of the most difficult things I’ve ever experienced.   He ended up getting sick.  Maybe food poisioning or something, but he’s been vomiting all night.   I felt so sorry for him.

There’s also this anger I have for the wife.   How could she be so selfish.   How could she allow her feelings for another man destroy our family.  She might claim it isn’t about him, but yet I can pretty much guarantee he’s the reason she took so long to go to the store and bring him back some supplies to feel better.  Perhaps it’s speculation, but still, putting another man first, just as she did with her first affair partner makes me believe it took her over an hour just to get to a store less than 5 minutes away, get some soup, crackers, and ginger ale because she called him for ‘support’.

I know I gotta let it go.   But it’s so damn hard to know that his interference caused her to be so cold towards me.   I know that this isn’t a good woman for me.  Her loyalty follows her attraction which follows her connection.   She doesn’t express herself very well and unless you’re a mind reader, she gets to a point where she won’t say anything to you.  She’ll go outside and nobody listens better to your problems than a thirsty ninja.   He’ll say anything and I mean anything (except the truth) to get in.

If my family wasn’t affected, I wouldn’t mind so much.  It is what it is.  I mean it still is, but it’s hard not to be resentful when our son hurts so much behind her lack of loyalty.   Not a good day.   Her lack of ‘happiness’, though she claims isn’t about him, imho has everything to do with it.  If she feels that he’ll ‘complete’ her more, then, that’s a real problem.   She isn’t really one to be trusted and even though because she’ll probably start off “happy” with the asshole, sooner or later, just as with us, she’ll grow bored, and want to find that new source of ‘excitement’.

My biggest problem is that instead of trying to fix things, when she figured out she was ‘unhappy’,  she went nuclear, and decided to have an affair.  That further broke things down, and now she’s clinging to the ‘bff’ as if he’s now her savior.   I know I shouldn’t blame the men as it’s not really on them so much.  But still, getting involved with a married woman with a child is a douche move.  Dude you’re helping (regardless of whether you want to admit it) destroy a family.

You won’t be there to wipe the kids tears.  You won’t be there to witness the emotional pain of the one you love the most and be pretty much helpless to do anything about it.    If “falling in love” makes people this cold, selfish, and careless, miss me with it.   This is truly a form of madness.    I know we’ll eventually get through this, it’s just so hard right now.

Now i’m facing the prospect of her bringing him around and having to keep her little secret.  I’m sure she’ll act as if it “suddenly happened”.  That he just came out of the blue to support her while she was down.   As she’s doing now.   Not taking any responsibility for any of this so she can ‘look’ good.   Meanwhile, I miss the access of having my son living under my roof.   The madness comes in in that in her mind, it really happened that way.   I’m sure he’s lying to himself as well thinking, that he was just ‘supporting a friend.’

It’s hard not to think that all women are like this, but looking at the forums where women say they are ‘unhappy’ even though they should be, there always seems to be someone ‘waiting in the wings’.   They’ve either already started an emotional affair or are already engaged in a physical one.    Seriously, I can think of no reason why she was so ‘unhappy’ living in a safe neighborhood, us both working good jobs, having a loving and supportive husband who pays half the bills, does the majority of housework and giving her freedom to do almost anything she wants.    Her lack of happiness, imho comes from the fact that she’s ‘in love’ with someone else.   To that I say that being “in love” is overrated.   How else could you explain not wanting to at least try to work on things so that our son could potentially not have to experience this.

I don’t think she could admit it to herself, let alone to me.  It sucks and we just have to deal with it.   I can take rejection, but when you hurt my kid, and reject our family, it’s hard not to take it personally.   Honestly, we’ve had heart to heart conversations about things like this and so I expected more.   We both acknowledged that ‘forever’ is along time and that if we found ourselves in a situation like this, we’d not do each other like that.  Now it’s like, personal happiness takes priority over everything.

Well we just gotta keep marching.

 

 

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