Change

I swallowed the red pill and am going through the natural rage that comes along with realizing that I’ve been lied to my whole life.   While I’ve never been one to intentionally deny reality, there is a part of me deep down hoping and wishing that it isn’t true.  The facts don’t lie and every day (now that I know what to look for) it becomes more apparent.

I’ve tried introducing these concepts to my estranged wife, but her nature doesn’t allow her to even consider that this is true.  In spite of the overwhelming evidence and “unexplainable” reasons for her “unhappiness” with our marriage, she still won’t admit that she’s being selfish.   She won’t admit that she chooses unhappiness.  She won’t admit that she’s sabotaging it with her passive aggressive behavior.  She won’t take responsibility for her life.   She won’t admit that to her, it’s more important to go out and screw around with other men than to build a home for our son.   I’m still baffled at the notion that this aspect of her happiness could take priority over her responsibility as a wife and mother.   But apparently, this is now the American woman’s way.

While I have few doubts that red pill philosophy is true in general.  I do  think that there may be some women out there who are actually good.  I don’t think that she isn’t one of those women.   It hurts because I still love her.   But as each day passes, and she just sits there, mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, obsessing over reality shows, neglecting to clean the house, failing to do anything outside of working, neglecting my sexual needs….while accepting all the things I do to keep things ‘afloat’….I am becoming more and more jaded.

I don’t check her phone anymore because what’s the point?  She doesn’t love me, she can’t.   She is incapable.  If she were to ever start back it would be because I became rich or some other superficial reason.  Now that the cat is out of the bag, I don’t know if I even care to put it back in.   But yet, I still want a home for our son.

I didn’t sign up for this.   She doesn’t seem to care that her actions or inaction is stressing me the fuck out.   How could she be so freaking cold?  How could she be so weak?  I need a partner.  A wife.  Not a casual girlfriend.

This happens to too many good guys.   I am beginning to wonder if the ‘good’ women are only ‘good’ because they don’t have a man who actually cares more about their family than himself.   I wonder if I were the douche who kept cheating, barely showed up, didn’t at least try to be a good man, would she love me then.

Thinking back, there were no red flags in her behavior that would lead me to believe that she’d ever have turned out like this.   Every person who knew her vouched and swore to me that she was one of the ‘good’ ones.   How could I ever trust another woman again?  …. When they can just switch up….and not be held accountable.  As if their happiness is the most important thing ever.   Even worse, they don’t have to be responsible for their own happiness.

Why did I have to love this woman?  Why would she give me a family just to take it away?  It happens to others and they made it out somehow.   I suppose I’ll have to figure out how to do the same.  So perhaps the answer is learn how to be an asshole.  Learn how to put myself first.   Learn how to lie and do things behind her back.

It’s almost like I have to learn how to be wicked.  I have to have the desire to cheat and play people’s hearts.   I have to  desire to get my ego stroked by getting women to fall for me and me not really caring like that.  Is this truly the only way to get love.

Maybe this is what the players mean when they say that you have to know a woman’s nature.

 

 

 

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