I’ve heard it repeated over and over that you eventually get over and heal after heartbreak. I’m looking forward to it. It keeps me going. I feel myself getting stronger, but damned if it isn’t hard.
I also hear that I’m bitter right now, but sooner or later, I’m going to want to fall in love again.
My fear is that once the dust has finally settled, they might be right. I fear that I’ll forget about how painful this really is. I’d forget that the high’s aren’t worth it. I can’t take another heartbreak. I don’t want to trust anyone with my heart again. I don’t want to want to trust anyone like that.
I mean sure, intimacy and companionship are cool. I’m married, but still lonely as hell. It would be awesome to have someone to really like and admire me. On the other hand, I don’t want to come to be addicted to it. I don’t want to miss it. I don’t want to be some sappy romantic cornball, unless it’s for the sole purpose of getting laid.
But I don’t want to be hurt if they ever change their minds. Once the honeymoon phase is over and real life begins, why get attached to someone who is likely to abandon you because you don’t give the same high anymore. Doesn’t all heartbreak begin with the exhilarating feeling of being in love?
I’ve never been on the other side of the coin where I fell out of love and no longer wanted to be with someone I once loved. But I’m pretty sure that it feels 100x better than being the one who got betrayed and left behind.
To me, a good time, good sex, and temporary shallow relationships offer the best solution. It’s kind of like going on a vacation where you know that eventually, you’re going home. I want to get to the point where I love myself enough that when it’s time to go home, I haven’t forgotten where I once lived.
But if I have to experience that horrible “L” thing again. I think I’d much rather be the heart breaker than the heart broken. It’s easier to forgive yourself than to forgive others. The guilt you feel from breaking hearts probably comes with a side of ego gratification that surely of takes the edge off.
Yeah , falling in love is just that. Falling. But with no control, blindfolded, and with no parachute. Imminent death or at least soul crushing pain is guaranteed at the end. Saying that “love” is good is like comparing flying to falling. Sure they both probably feel similar in certain respects, but one is safer and controlled where the other is….you get it.
I’m all for extreme sports and all, just not the ones where death is pretty much guaranteed.
Losing love is a helluva lot worse that not having it. I don’t have it now, and I’m sick because I lost it. If I never had it so bad, I wouldn’t be so sick. It’s like it would suck worse to have a million dollars and lose it all than to never have had it in the first place. Especially if money means a lot to you.
Man, I hope I truly learn this lesson.