Fear of falling

 Image result for falling


I’ve heard it repeated over and over that you eventually get over and heal after heartbreak.  I’m looking forward to it.  It keeps me going.  I feel myself getting stronger, but damned if it isn’t hard.

I also hear that I’m bitter right now, but sooner or later, I’m going to want to fall in love again.

That’s scary.

My fear is that once the dust has finally settled, they might be right.  I fear that I’ll forget about how painful this really is.  I’d forget that the high’s aren’t worth it.    I can’t take another heartbreak.  I don’t want to trust anyone with my heart again.  I don’t want to want to trust anyone like that.

I mean sure, intimacy and companionship are cool.  I’m married, but still lonely as hell.  It would be awesome to have someone to really like and admire me.  On the other hand, I don’t want to come to be addicted to it.  I don’t want to miss it.  I don’t want to be some sappy romantic cornball, unless it’s for the sole purpose of getting laid.

But I don’t want to be hurt if they ever change their minds.  Once the honeymoon phase is over and real life begins, why get attached to someone who is likely to abandon you because you don’t give the same high anymore.   Doesn’t all heartbreak begin with the exhilarating feeling of being in love?

I’ve never been on the other side of the coin where I fell out of love and no longer wanted to be with someone I once loved.  But I’m pretty sure that it feels 100x better than being the one who got betrayed and left behind.

To me,  a good time, good sex, and temporary shallow relationships offer the best solution.  It’s kind of like going on a vacation where you know that eventually, you’re going home.  I want to get to the point where I love myself enough that when it’s time to go home, I haven’t forgotten where I once lived.

But if I have to experience that horrible “L” thing again.    I think I’d much rather be the heart breaker than the heart broken.  It’s easier to forgive yourself than to forgive others.  The guilt you feel from breaking hearts probably comes with a side of ego gratification that surely of takes the edge off.

Yeah , falling in love is just that.  Falling.  But with no control, blindfolded, and with no parachute.  Imminent death or at least soul crushing pain is guaranteed at the end.  Saying that “love” is good is like comparing flying to falling.  Sure they both probably feel similar in certain respects, but one is safer and controlled where the other is….you get it.

I’m all for extreme sports and all, just not the ones where death is pretty much guaranteed.

Losing love is a helluva lot worse that not having it.  I don’t have it now, and I’m sick because I lost it.  If I never had it so bad, I wouldn’t be so sick.  It’s like it would suck worse to have a million dollars and lose it all than to never have had it in the first place.  Especially if money means a lot to you.

Man, I hope I truly learn this lesson.



One thought on “Fear of falling

  1. Hello Issac. I just read your post, and I see what you mean. Honestly speaking though, there is no need to be scared of love. Love is a gift. It is a pure gift. If you are open to it, I have a secret that can help to reduce the possibility of heart break and the effects of heartbreak if it does happen. Are you ready to hear it?

    There is a way to reduce the effects of heartbreak. The secret is to experience God’s love. I know this sounds weird but let me explain my perspective here. You see, God is our creator and he loves us more than anyone on earth could ever love us. Unlike humans, God does not break up with us, he does not leave us, he does not try to hurt us, he does not forsake us, and he does not cheat us or cheat on us. People hold the perception that God is simply an idea, however, in actuality God is a living being. There are people who have very real relationships with God. Some people even hear a clear inner voice from God from time to time. God is very real and he is paying attention to each and every one of us and to what we are doing. When we build a relationship with God, we are able to tap into his unending love. God’s love is very practical. God is generous and has the power to bless you with the things that you need when you take these things to him in prayer. Everything from a car, to a house, to a good wife, everything, nothing is too much for God. God also blesses his people with spiritual gifts i.e. the gift of vision, the gift of prophetic dreams, the gift of healing etc as he wills. Above all of these, if you have a relationship with God, he would also bless you with eternal life, which means that after you die in this life, you would be resurrected again into a life where you would live forever.

    Alright, so how does everything that I stated above help to reduce heartbreak? Here’s why: Firstly, knowing and experiencing God’s love, and receiving beautiful gifts and blessings from him would make us feel worthy. It would make us feel loved. When we feel worthy and loved before going into a relationship, we would be confident in the relationship. We would not be relying on the relationship to help us feel worthy and loved, because we already had this with God before the relationship. In a relationship, a common mistake that people make is to place their partners before God. Some people even completely stop paying attention to God when in relationships. No! when we place God above our partners in a relationship, we are acknowledging that his love is superior (which it is!) and we are showing him gratitude. This way, he would continue to bless us. We also get the benefit of taking the issues in our relationships to God in prayer, and he is more than ready to help out. Secondly, building a relationship with God makes us better people. When we build a true relationship with God, we become less angry, more loving, more understanding, less vain and we develop other nice virtues. These virtues are values that would help our relationships become better. Nobody would want to break the heart of a person with such good values, because if they do, then it is their loss that they are losing such a rare gem. Thirdly, when we have a personal relationship with God, other believers would feel comfortable dating us. Other believers are perfect candidates for a relationship because they know God. They know what is right and what is wrong. They know that God does not like it when people treat other people badly or cheat on them and stuff like that. They are also aware that God can get angry at them for doing these things. Therefore, a true believer is less likely to intentionally dabble in things that would cause your heart to be broken. Fourthly, if you have a solid relationship with God and you know how to hear his voice, even before you begin the relationship, if you ask God for directions, God can show you exactly what the relationship would be, issues to avoid, warnings etc. even before you begin the relationship. Lastly, even if a heartbreak ensues, knowing that the supreme being who is more powerful than other beings loves you, would make the exit of your partner’s love feel minor. You can also go to God in prayers to help you heal from a heartbreak.

    Concerning God, the bible says in Psalm 37: 23-24
    “23 The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; 24 though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand”

    God says in Isaiah 43:2
    “When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
    and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
    When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze”

    God reaffirms in Isaiah 41: 10
    “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
    Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
    I will strengthen you and help you.
    I will hold you up with my victorious right hand”

    I honestly would not like it for you to miss out. I strongly suggest that you build a relationship with God, so that you can begin to experience his amazing love.

    If you wish to start a relationship with God, here are the steps that I usually recommend:

    1) find a quiet space free from distractions, a place where you can pray.

    2) imagine that Jesus is in front of you, talk to him the way you will with a close friend. Tell him that you are ready to accept him, invite him to come into your life and become your lord and personal savior. Ask for forgiveness of past sins. Tell Jesus that you want to die to your old self and be reborn as a new creation in him. Pray that you inherit eternal life and the kingdom of God. Beware of sudden distractions when you pray, this is a trick the devil uses to stop us from having focused prayers. You might also get the feeling that God is not there or that you are simply wasting your time, this is another trick that the devil uses to discourage us from prayers.

    3) If you have any specific prayers, or something specific that you need, you can ask it in Jesus name, and God would attend to the prayers. God usually has three answers to prayers: Yes, Yes but wait, and No. God has a reason for every answer, and his answers are usually what is best for you. When you pray, you need to have faith that you will receive. God does not like it when we pray but doubt his ability to provide what we want for us. Lastly, prayers and faith without works wont bring results. E.g. If all a person does is prays and has faith that they would get a job, without actually applying to jobs, they WOULD NOT get a job. God does not work that way, God loves hard-working people, and God rewards hard-work. If all Christians had to do is pray, have faith, and stay home all day awaiting a blessing, Christians would be the laziest people on earth. LOL. Your part is to pray that God should fast-track your success, so that you receive your blessings quicker than people who are relying on their own strength. Your blessings might also come in a bigger way. Remember to thank God when you get the answers to your prayers.

    4) Read the bible and obey it. You can find free bibles online. You can also find free bible apps on google play. Keep praying all the time and maintain a connection with God.

    5) Trials and tribulations may come your way, sometimes these are designed to test your faith, and sometimes they are simply tricks from the devil to get you to denounce the religion. At times like this, you pray to God, you fast, and you maintain consistency in the faith, this way, God would lift you above all trials and afflictions.

    6) You can join a community of bible believing Christians. Having friends who are believers would keep you on track, and the conversations about the religion would be beneficial to your faith.

    7) Get a water baptism, and pray to God so that you can receive a baptism in the holy spirit.

    8) Begin to educate yourself on the things of the lord. Read books from ministers who have practiced deliverance, healing, seeing in the spirit, and other gifts. Read about how they got these anointing and learn more about the workings of the spiritual realm through Christian books.

    (The things written in this list are not to be followed in any particular order. The most important thing is to begin by asking for a forgiveness of sins, confess Jesus as your personal lord and savior, and pray for eternal life. You can mix up the order of the rest. However, I strongly suggest you do them all simultaneously).

    If you have any questions, please let me know. God bless you, have a great day 🙂


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