Forget Cocaine: Love is a helluva Drug

As children, we’ve all had people warning us about the dangers of using drugs.  Of course, for many of us, most of that goes out of the window in our rebellious teenage years, but for the most part, as adults, we all agree.   Drugs are bad.

The problem isn’t necessarily the drugs or the use in of itself.  In moderation, certain drugs might be ok.   The problem is usually the addictive quality and the resulting havoc that the addiction can wreak on the lives of the user and society as a whole.

For the sake of full disclosure, I’ve done a few drugs in my life.  I developed a marijuana habit at one time and it did have a negative impact on my life as it’s illegal.  But I’ve gotta say that of all the drugs I’ve done, the love drug has by far hurt me the worst.  It was also the hardest addiction to break.   The psychological affect is damaging as anything and it’s also super expensive.

What other drugs are responsible for breaking up homes, causing wars, changing lives, and ruining friendships?  During my wife’s affair, when the “love” or infatuation with dude was at its highest, she was actually willing to have the “divorce” talk with our young son.

The look on his little face, the hurt in his eyes, and the deep groans from his belly as he bellowed out in pain is something that haunts me to this day.  The fact that she was willing to subject him to that so she could be with her “lover” is something that has turned me off to the idea of love.  She seemed oblivious to it all as if it was something that needed to be done because “she needed happiness”.

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I’ve read countless articles where both  decent husbands and wives, once falling for their affair partner, became monsters.  While knowing what they were doing was causing pain in the people who loved and depended on them the most, their desire to have their drug was so overpowering, that they were willing to destroy their homes,  humiliate their spouses, gaslight and lie to them.

They often engage in subconsciously rewriting history to justify their actions.  They become liars, manipulators, and to the most offensive things to their faithful spouses. In a true sense, they seem to sell their souls doing things that they “know” is wrong and harmful.  It seems that they don’t care who they hurt.  As if that “love” is worth all of the damage they are causing.  In my case, it seemed that all of the love she once had for me became a very deep hatred and contempt for me as a human being.

Despite all of this, my “love” for her allowed me to take this abuse.  To be fair, i didn’t want to hurt our son, but some part of me still wanted her.  How often to people stay in abusive or bad relationships because they “love” their partners?

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      It seems as if the love has to turn into hurt or hatred before it can get to a neutral position of apathy.  It vexes me to no end to know that some day, that the same woman that i’m writing love letters to, talking and texting all day and all night on phone….  the one who looks at me with love and adoration, the one who’s body is so in sync that love making becomes like a soul connection… will likely someday become the bane of my existence.

It seems to happen way more often than not. The passionate fire of love transforms into a passionate fire of hate and hurt in the end.  It’s like getting super drunk at a party and then waking the the next day with the worst hangover in your life.  Only this hangover lasts for months.

People have blown their heads off or slit their wrists from this pain.  I honestly considered offing myself.  Not out of losing her, per se, but because the pain was so intense and wouldn’t leave.

Assuming that it’s all to easy to fall for this type of “love” and that true lasting love is a statistical anomaly.   I wonder why people long for it so badly.   Why does the pleasure of loving someone come with the risk of giving that person the power to totally crush you in a bad way?  Personally, i can say without a doubt that the lows are way lower than the highs.

Why put yourself in a position where someone could hurt you so badly? On the contrary,  I imagine it would suck to fall out of love with someone who still loves you? But should you still stay if you no longer feel it for that person.  I do think that you should be as respectful as possible, but what happens if you find someone else who does it more for you than your S/O while you’re still together?

Reciprocated infatuation rarely happens (for me anyway) so i can see how it can be exhilirating when it does.  Especially if the hot passionate fiery love has cooled off with your SO.   I suppose it’s ok (still sucks) in the context of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, but this type of thing causes divorce and breaks up homes.

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For me, I now realize that no matter how passionate and genuine it seems in the moment.  No matter how me she seems to “get” me.  Someday, that’s all subject to change over time and the intensity that we love each other will likely turn into an equal passion of hate and disdain.

I rarely hate anyone and I’m a pretty cool guy.  I don’t have many enemies because I simply don’t deal with people I don’t like.   They don’t get a chance to screw me over, but if they do, it’s hard to take it personally for too long because they were probably never really close to me anyway.   Your enemies can’t betray you and I tend to keep a very small circle of friends.

But that cunt or douchbag that has your heart is a different story.  They get closer to you than anyone and just out sheer fuckery, could wake up one decide to stab you in the back.   That’s too much power.   Even losing friends probably wouldn’t hurt that bad.

In the end, love don’t love anyone.  I’ve learned that, at least for me, I can show love, but never give my heart away.  The days of commitment, loyalty, and trust are long gone.  In today’s society, true love (boring, sweet, stable, and predicatable) is no longer wanted or appreciated.   Today love is about sex, drugs, game, and hip hop.  Some may say that I’m bitter, but the way I see it, it’s just waking up from the matrix and bullshit that hollywood and romcom movies taught us.   Love don’t live here anymore.

Say no to the drugs man.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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